i hate that i need to write this on a public post. people can see this. the danger lies in my being unsure if its because I am prideful or if I truly want to share my insights with my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

I've stared around at my life, and it scares me. I see my day to day life and I am terrified. So easily do I fall into these traps of complacency. Father, place me where You want me. Tear me away from the things that take my attention away from You. It may be painful, but instill within me this yearning to tend your lambs and sheep. 

"Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you where you go not wish to go. Now this He said, signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to them, 'Follow Me!'" John 21:18-19

I believe the death he was talking about was Peter's death. This verse amazes me.